It has been a very long time since I have written, depression was the reason as I fell into the deepest of disparity. I wrote prior in where ” I left my heart in the Philippines “, seems it never left!
What I am about to share maybe uncomfortable to some, I know it is to me feeling vulnerable. I married back in year 2000 and thought I had a lifetime companion. A nice Provencal girl with her family I adored!
A couple of years ago that changed when I funded my wife (at the time) back on a survival quest to save her family and our 2 boys 7 & 11, days after typhoon Yolanda. The family had been surviving on buried fruits and coconuts buried in the mud and debris along with yes, dead bodies.
Our houses had been ripped to shreds and so forth.
I felt honored to have enough earnings to get them into Metro apartment and whatever else that was needed. That’s just me, a guy loves to fix things, anyway for me.
After a few weeks my boys returned home with the estranged wife. I was not sure how things would be with her but overjoyed for my boys returning safely. Later she announced that she was with baby, and 9 months later a girl was born.
Fact is this child had a very very dark tan instantly and well,,,, curly hair? I was told her Grandmother was the same way and just played along. I finally went to do a DNA test after she took of for 2 nights & 3 days “being with friends”. I didn’t want to live a lie anymore so I confronted her about it and she blamed me for not giving enough attention. Narcissistic approach without any personal responsibility.
So, why am I sharing my dirty laundry about this with you? Suppose I should be a big boy and walk away with what pride I had left of 15 lovegonewrong affair? I want to tell you & myself that I still believe that the Filipina is the best in the world and my heart still belongs there living within the extended family culture. To me no other place equals in the world! Maybe I’m just looking for some faithful Pinay to read this and a match shall be sparked? I don’t need or want sympathy really.
I know that if I don’t start over and make a change I will stay where I am in the cold, unforgiving relentlessly inhospitable returns of Northern California. I don’t want and shall not live without a new chance to be alive again instead of just surviving. Many women have been cheated as many as men have.
So to the future Expats I want to say, let it go and take a chance again and hope to be happy and free. We know how special the Filipino culture is and that’s the draw along with less expensive living conditions that where your country is. I am getting up there in age just turning 60. If your not bruised, torn a little, effected by the road you’ve been on then to me you haven’t experienced enough.
This is jotted down without thinking about content and I guess, I just feel better letting it out spontaneously.
God bless and always take good care ~ P
The stories I have written about my observations in the Philippines come from the utmost respect for the people and the way of life there. The way the Pinoy can adapt to the hardest of conditions thrust upon them and still be humble in very proud people. I have written without prejudice to these newspapers and magazines without charging one peso, I did get cut off at the knees for my political views of “Erap” with his corruption. I did this not to get anyone angry. I did it so the people whom have forgotten how incredibly beautiful is there or maybe the ones who were not born there and not traveled there yet can get a glimpse through these balikbayan’s blue eye’s. I am not here to make political judgments or interfere with anyone else’s business. I went to the Philippines for the intentions of songwriting. I have been with such bands as Santana, Pablo Cruise, The Tubes, Joe Satrani, Martha Davis and Pink Floyd. Don't know who they are~~ look them up! This has been my life's work while working with bands I loved! I have toured and visited many places but never enough time to relax to get the feel, so simple songs in paradise should be trouble. The songs I intended to compose instead became my lonely planet journal. My heart got infected, and I wanted to give back some of this hospitality given to me by the worlds connoisseurs’. I am proud and privileged to have some sight, if only brief to what many foreigners will never see or feel. I hope that you have enjoyed the stories as much as I have writing them. God Bless to all. Sadly 9 yrs of marriage and two boys the marriage failed from both sides truthfully and I am looking at again to go back to the Philippines to set my heart free once more. Yes, the money is here but the freedom and love is where the heart is, and where mine is… in the Philippines!
No comments:
Post a Comment